Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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