Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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