She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
