well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
