420 ftw
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do vagina's smell?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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