"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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