The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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