Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
