He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
