I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
