I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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