saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
