Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
