at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
