At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
