god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
