it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
