Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
