youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
