i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
