My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
