Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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