We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
