She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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