The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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