i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
