how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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