Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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