Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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