Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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