I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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