Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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