Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
