I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
