So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
