is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
