Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
