look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
