A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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