During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
