Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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