I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't deserve a penis
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
