I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
