dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
