the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
