I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As shirtless as possible
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my poor anus
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
