1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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