I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
