accomplished twins. life is a go
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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