why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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