Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
