I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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