I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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