Acid is not a monday night drug
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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