I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
